so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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