Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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