She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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