You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
