Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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