last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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