last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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