When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
