did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
