His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
