nut hugger
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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