WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How does it feel to date your dad?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
