Got a toothbrush?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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