I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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