Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
