There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
no, he came in my armpit
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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