god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
