looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
