so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was like eating out sand paper
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize