one might say we're banned from that church
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
