so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
