so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
