I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
