I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
