ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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