he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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