just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
