You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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