Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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