I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
