I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
