i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize