one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
