Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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