She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You're like the curious george of whores
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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