I am spending my child support on dildos
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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