im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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