Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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