I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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