we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Text me some of your sweat
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
