Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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