I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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