Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
