My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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