If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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