I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
