Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
