how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
