you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
