guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
