Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
