How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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