so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
