Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
