don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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