It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
