Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
