All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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