oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
