I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
