i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
