I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
