your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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