I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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